Fear.

Why do we have fear? Why are we scared of things?

I'm terrified of spiders. Why? I don't know. I have no reason to be afraid of them. But they're terrifying to me. Nothing should have eight eyes and eight legs. But that's not the kind of fear that I am talking about. I mean more like fear of the unknown or failure.

I was absolutely terrified to move to another state. Why? Because I didn't know what was in store for me. But I did it because I wanted out of my comfort zone. My comfort zone had become a place of pure agony and misery. I hated myself. I used to like to be in my own little world and take part in nothing that was not of my world. I used to rely on people's opinions of me to mold me. Moving here changed everything. I no longer cared what people thought of me because I didn't know these people. I came here with a new attitude than I left Georgia with, an attitude that I once had and then lost. I came here with confidence. Where did this confidence come from? I don't know. But I'm very glad that it is back. Not only do I have my confidence back, I rarely ever stutter. That is an awesome feeling. (Anyone who stutters and stumbles through sentences on a daily basis knows how frustrating it can be.) 

Back to fear. I used to be terrified of my future. I used to dwell on the thoughts of failure. Failure will always be one of my biggest fears. But by moving here, I risked just that. But failure was never an option for me. I already had a job lined up when I moved here to prevent it. Why was I afraid of failing? I don't know. I've realized that even if I do fail, things can only go up from there. Failure, to me, would be rock bottom. Now that I think about it, failing wouldn't be so bad because I'd learn what not to do and things would only get better, right?

I've always had really bad anxiety. When my dad was killed when I was 8, I was prescribed anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. At 17 I quit them cold turkey. (My parents were not thrilled. Ha.) I also stopped going to psychologist then. I wanted to know what life would be like without being medicated and numb to everything. I was so used to living that way that I was so scared for what was about to happen in my life. But as a couple months went by, I realized that nothing was actually worth being feared. It was probably my best decisions that I ever made. 

I'm starting to learn that fear is just psychological and spiritual and that nothing is truly worth fearing. People will stress over fear. I've done it. I know how it feels. Fear of the unknown is one of the most common fears there is. But why should I be afraid of something that I can't see? Or something that may or may not happen? Or something that I don't know anything about? It's dumb and it's irrational. Most fears are irrational. But some are legit fears. If you've ever been bitten by a dog, you might be afraid of dogs. That makes sense to me. My fear of spiders will never make sense to me. I've never been bitten by one. They just freak me out. (Dey iz scarey!) 

I might post another one like this later. I might make a second blog just for stuff like this. I don't know yet. But for now, I'm done. So, Peace out!

Up.

Up is the direction that my life is beginning to look. My life lately has been a mixture of "Keep Your Head Up" By Andy Grammer and "Help Me Find It" by Sidewalk Prophets. (Yes, my life can be better said through song lyrics. Weird? Maybe.) But for real, I'm starting to really love it here. Life is much simpler here. People are much less materialistic here. So, I feel much less pressured to keep up with the Joneses.

Even though I kinda enjoy working at JCPenney's, it doesn't pay well enough. So, I have been avidly looking for another job. I had an interview with Reed's Jewelers the other day. It went really well. It sounds very promising. I'm pretty excited about it and I'm really hoping that I get the position. So, please pray for me.

I'm starting to get involved with the church. I am stoked to be on a drama team again. Not only am I on it, people kind of look to me for direction. It's pretty awesome. Our first drama is to "The Anthem" by Jake Hamilton. It's a pretty awesome song and it will show who we are as a drama team. It's kind of a "this is what we stand for" song. So, it's perfect. I'm also debating on joining the praise team. But I feel like not enough people know me well enough for that to be okay yet. But I'm getting there, so maybe soon. Also, I was just asked to do puppets for children's church. I prayed that I would find a church that I could get involved with again. It really made me laugh that the three ministries I was so passionate about at my old church, I now have here. God really blessed me with these opportunities again.

So, all in all my life is going pretty well. Yes, I am absolutely broke. It really sucks. But it will be okay. I'm learning that money will never truly make you happy. But it will make life so much less stressful and much easier. Hopefully the job at Reed's will work out. Pray for me. Please. I know that things will work out in the end for me. Things always do. So, I'm not too worried. Haha.

A Mile In My Shoes.

I am very excited for the direction that my blog is now going. It now makes sense. It now has a purpose. 

"Where The Sidewalk Ends" was a great title, but it no longer made sense for the blog. The idea behind it was "Where the sidewalk ends, your adventure begins." And it was one of my favorite childhood books by Shel Silverstein. He was actually my favorite childhood author. So, I titled my blog after that book. But it no longer made sense for where I wanted the direction of the blog to go. My life had no longer was an adventure. It became a journey. A journey for what? What am I looking for? I don't know. I guess I'll know when I find it. Until then, I have no clue. 

"A Mile In My Shoes" is going to be more about my life and the journey that God is taking me on. Right now, I know no idea what my purpose is in life or where God is taking me. But I know that I'm ready for whatever he throws at me.

I even updated the look of the blog. I love minimalist and simple things. So, I found a graphic and a font and ran with it. I think it turned out pretty well. I'm happy with it. I think. (I'm never truly happy with anything I design. I'll probably change it later. But it works for now.) I hope you all enjoy reading about my journey though life. Let's see how crazy and awesome my life gets!

Back To Basics.

Have you ever felt like technology has become too necessary in today's society? I think about that all the time. Why can't we go outside an admire a tree without it ending up on instagram? I feel like that's not possible anymore. One of my friends posted a blog about simplifying your life. The topic had been on my heart for a while now. So, when she posted it, I kind of laughed because I felt the same way about it. Read it here.

But something really funny happened. I woke up this morning and decided to work toward getting off the internet so much. So, I went through some of my social networks on my laptop as I usually do in the morning. Then after I was done, I was determined to not be online as much today. I kid you not, once I got out of bed and my feet hit the floor, I grabbed my phone out of habit and noticed that the internet was down at our house. I was just on it! It made me laugh really hard.

One of the main reasons that I want to be off my phone more than I am is because I can see that it's becoming a habit of my niece and nephews. "Uncle Chad can I play with your phone?" Normally, I wouldn't mind someone using my phone. But it's become every time they see my phone. I'm not sure if it's damaging to them. But I think it's strange that all they want to do is play on phones all day. However, I'm the same way. So, This is a habit that needs to be broken for my sake and their's. What did I do while the internet was out? I went outside and played in the rain with the kids. Two things that I thoroughly enjoy, kids and rain. I even deleted my tumblr this morning. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love the internet. But I would spend hours of my time just mindlessly scrolling through my tumblr dashboard. That had to go. I am so tired of not doing things that I really want to do because of my addiction to the internet. It really is a problem. I even mindlessly check my phone. Even when I know that no one texts me or someone comments on something on one of my 16,461.6 social sites. I don't know why I do it? Am I checking the time? I don't know. I don't need to know what time it is every two minutes. It's habit, I guess. I hate it. I feel like I'm missing out on seeing awesome things because I'm constantly staring into my phone screen.

I was out with some friends last night. (Oh, I'm starting to meet new people! Woo hoo!) We went out to eat and then we went bowling. I noticed that no one was one their phone while at dinner. So, I tried to stay off of mine. It was hard to because I really didn't know two of the people well. I only knew my sister-in-law's littler sister. (I'm glad she invited me. I had a blast.) But it was hard to stay off of my phone because I was it was a little awkward. Why has being on my phone become my coping mechanism for awkward situations? I don't know. But then we went bowling. It was fun. (Granted, the bowling alley had just opened and it still has A LOT of things to fix. We had to swap lanes. And we had to call for help several times because the system was glitchy.) I really stayed off my phone and just had awesome conversations with people that I really didn't know. However, I did instagram my shoes. (They were velcro! It was funny to me!) But none-the-less, I was very proud that I kinda stayed off my phone. 

I still will never know how I became so dependent on my phone and the internet. Don't get me wrong, the internet and social media are needed and have their place and time. I just don't know how that place and time because everywhere and every waking second of my life. I know that I can get past the addiction. I just have to give it time and be patient with it because I know if I get frustrated, I'll just either cave in or break my phone or laptop. I need both of those things. I just feel like I'm missing out on so much life because of this.  

Frustrations.

I have never been an easily frustrated person. But today, I lost it. Let me explain. 

I just moved here about a week ago. My only friend so far is a frog that hopped away once I put him back down. I don't know anyone here yet. I hate not having friends. I also still don't know my way around well enough to explore. So use GPS, right? Wrong. I'm now on a family plan. So, we have to limit our data usage. Lame. I know. 

I have no dollars to my name at the moment. However, I do have a check waiting to clear the bank. Hopefully it will last me until my first pay check. One problem, I have no idea when my first day of work is. Almost a week of waiting after my interview JCPenny finally called me back to offer me a position in the Men's department. Naturally, I took it because I need a job and I know about men's clothing from working at Men's Wearhouse. The fact that I have a set amount of money to spend until my first paycheck is absolutely terrifying to me. I've never been without a job or money. 

But anyway, back to my story. Today at lunch I was so angry for no apparent reason at all. My brother and sister-in-law had to pay for my lunch. Which I was fine with until she told me how to dip my chips in the cheese dip. So, I sat there frustrated my entire lunch. It wasn't necessarily her that set me off, it was the fact that I had to share my food because I'm broke. I've never been at this level of poor before. I hate it. But it got much worse. My brother and sister-in-law got into an argument over something (who knows with these two). It reminded me of when mom and dad used to fight. It was uncomfortable and awkward. But for some unexplainable reason, I was also angry. It got to the point where I actually debated on flipping the table and walking out of the restaurant. I've never even thought about flipping a table before. But today, it crossed my mind three times. The third time, I just walked out because I knew if it crossed my mind again, I would have done it. So, I walked out and sat in the car and just sobbed for a good 30 minutes. Which is weird because I don't cry.

Until today, I never realized how much easier money made my life. I've never felt so stressed. I'm ready for this job to start and me to be back on track with things. 

I recently put all of my trust in God's hands. Sometimes I question what God is doing because I'm terrified. Absolutely scared out of my mind for what my future holds. I know that he has a bigger plan for my life than I have. I'm just not seeing it right now. It's so frustrating. 

This Side of the Mississippi.

So, As most of you know, I'm no longer a Georgia resident. So far, living here is pretty awesome.  Everyone knows everyone is this town. Seriously. I got my hair cut and everyone was asking me why I moved here and if I knew anyone here. Turns out, one of them knows my sister-in-law. Their kids are awesome to live with. They get into everything. But I love them.

Their pets make me laugh. Ocean, the Boarder Collie, never leaves my side. Ezra, the Papillon, is seriously the cutest dog I have probably ever seen. But she gets into everything. Dora, the cat, is creepy but really cool. I never see this cat move but she's never in the same spot when I see her. She's also very lazy.

Funny Story. On the way here I passed a town called Farmville. Yes, Farmville. It's in Alabama. I never knew that was an actual place. I thought it was just a game. However, that town wasn't far from the game. I almost got out of my car to go pick some guys corn to get some coins to feed the cows. It really entertained me that this was a real place.

Being unemployed is very weird to me. I'm not used to not waking up every day and going to work. I finally interviewed with JCPenny. It was the strangest interview I have ever had. Yesterday it was a group interview filled with teamwork puzzles and pitching fake ideas. My idea won. Just saying. It was really weird. But I kind of enjoyed it. I had to go back this morning for my one-on-one time. Again, it was weird but I really enjoyed today better than yesterday. I had to do some visual merchandising and customer interactions with the manager of the store. I had to "sell her some shoes" for her "new position". I really enjoy role play stuff. So, it was fun. I really felt that I proved myself today. I just hope that it was good enough for the position. What position did I apply for? At this point, I have no idea. I've never had to go through this much for a job. I just hope it works out and pays well. *fingers crossed.* I'm gonna wait and see if I get the job before applying for others. Pray that I get the job!

People like to talk.

People keep asking me why do I want to leave Columbus. My answer? I've been here 22 years. I've pretty much done and seen everything this town has to offer. I'm become bored with this place. I just want something different. But, lately, the question that I've gotten the most of is "What does your family think?" Honestly, I hate this question. They're not gonna say that I can't go just because they'll miss me. And if they did, I'd probably just straight up laugh in their faces. My family knows that I've never wanted to stay here my whole life. I've never been one to stay put, even as a child. So, naturally, they knew I would eventually leave. I know that I will be missed. I will also miss my family. Sure, they want me to successful. But they also want me to be happy with my life. I feel that I can't be both here. They are proud that I'm finally making a huge decision on my own without any influences. 

I keep seeing things everywhere that say something to the extent of "Be you." or "Don't let people influence your life." These things have been everywhere lately. I don't know why I keep noticing them. But they make me feel like I'm making the right decision for my life. I hope. I also feel like people think I'm gonna move and just go wild and crazy. But of course these are the people that don't exactly know me personally. If you know me, you know that I would never do that. I would never want ruin the reputation that I have.

"Well what are you gonna do in Mississippi?" I plan on working and eventually going back to school. Not much will change. Just a new place. I do plan on changing my major from Pharmacy Technician to Marketing with an emphasis on Social Media. Maybe take some Graphic Design classes too. "Why? That's so much different that what you're doing now." Another question. Great. I've never wanted a technical career. My Aunt wanted me to go to Columbus Tech. So, I did. I hated it. I dropped out after three semesters and here I am. This still might not be what I want to do with my life. But it sounds so exciting to me. I love Social Media and good designs. So, I thought, why not make it part of my future? Maybe it will work out. Who knows? We'll see.

I'm sure people will be talking about me moving for the next few months. But that's okay. I expected it. I just didn't know it would start before I even left. 

Almost Finished Here.

Hey! I'm posting a blog two week after the last one. Woop! Woop! Go me! It's my birthday! (Ok. It's not my birthday. But that's how the song goes. Don't hate.)

I still can't believe that I am moving. Across two states! Woah. Two whole states? Am I really ready for this? The answer? Yes! I am ready to get out of this town! I am ready to move on and go on new adventures in my life. I'm pretty stoked because I found out that I am about four and a half hours from New Orleans, LA (Hello, weekend trips!) and about four hours from Biloxi, MS. (A little fun never hurt anyone, right?)

But for real, I really feel so unprepared. But honestly, besides packing, I don't know what I need to do. Are there some special moving preparedness procedures that I'm not doing? I mean, I did get a call back from a job that I applied for. That's some good news since my last post. I have an interview two days after getting there. (Funny story, I did my first interview over the phone while driving through a storm. Safe idea, right? *sigh* Priorities.) I'm very thankful that I actually have something going for me when I get there. I just pray that I get the job. Hopefully everything goes well with all of this. Wish me luck! I'll keep you guys updated! Peace out!

From One Columbus to Another.

I'm an epic fail at updating this thing. 

But guys, I'm finally moving! I. Am. Stoked! I'm just ready to get out of this town and explore some new places. I'm really going to miss it here. This place is all I've ever known. But I've become bored with this town. So, I think it's time to finally move. I'm really excited to meet new people and do new things and explore a new place that I've never had the chance to before. Where am I moving, you ask? Columbus, Mississippi. I'm leaving one Columbus to go to another. Weird, I know. But I'm excited. I'm also really nervous. But I know that if I don't move now, I probably won't ever move. I just really need to be out of my comfort zone to truly be myself, I think. So, I'm gonna do it. I know if I don't like it there, I can always move back home. So, I'm not too worried. 

The only part that I am kinda worried about is finding a job fast enough. But I get jobs pretty easily. So, it shouldn't be a problem. But there's still the "what if" factor that is lurking in the back of my head. I hate that feeling. And I wish I could just transfer with my job. But the closest Men's Wearhouse is about an hour away. I can't drive that far to work everyday. I just can't. So, I have no choice but to find a new job. My sister-in-law said that she knows of two places that she could get me a job right away. So, I'm definitely gonna take her up on that offer.  (Oh, by the way, I'm moving in with my brother, his wife, and three kids. Help. Me.)

I'm super excited to actually get to spend time with my brother and his family.  I have missed out on so many of my niece's and nephews' birthdays, and a lot of brother bonding time. I rarely get to spend time with them. But I always have a lot of fun when they're here in town.

I feel like moving would help me be happy again. I'm not saying I'm not happy. But I'm not as happy as I once was. I feel like I lost myself along the way somewhere. Will I be happy somewhere else? I don't know. But I'm going to give it a shot. 

I feel like this is the first time in my life that I'm completely trusting God on everything. Will I fail at first? I don't know. Maybe. Who knows? I know that he's not going to let me fall. I may fail. But I won't fall. This will be the first time since I was 18 that I will not have a job. I am terrified and ecstatic at the same time to be making a change that is this drastic.  

I think that's all I have for now. I promise to keep you guys updated now. I finally got the app for my phone. So maybe that will give me a motive to blog more often. I love you guys! I'm out!