Frustrations.

I have never been an easily frustrated person. But today, I lost it. Let me explain. 

I just moved here about a week ago. My only friend so far is a frog that hopped away once I put him back down. I don't know anyone here yet. I hate not having friends. I also still don't know my way around well enough to explore. So use GPS, right? Wrong. I'm now on a family plan. So, we have to limit our data usage. Lame. I know. 

I have no dollars to my name at the moment. However, I do have a check waiting to clear the bank. Hopefully it will last me until my first pay check. One problem, I have no idea when my first day of work is. Almost a week of waiting after my interview JCPenny finally called me back to offer me a position in the Men's department. Naturally, I took it because I need a job and I know about men's clothing from working at Men's Wearhouse. The fact that I have a set amount of money to spend until my first paycheck is absolutely terrifying to me. I've never been without a job or money. 

But anyway, back to my story. Today at lunch I was so angry for no apparent reason at all. My brother and sister-in-law had to pay for my lunch. Which I was fine with until she told me how to dip my chips in the cheese dip. So, I sat there frustrated my entire lunch. It wasn't necessarily her that set me off, it was the fact that I had to share my food because I'm broke. I've never been at this level of poor before. I hate it. But it got much worse. My brother and sister-in-law got into an argument over something (who knows with these two). It reminded me of when mom and dad used to fight. It was uncomfortable and awkward. But for some unexplainable reason, I was also angry. It got to the point where I actually debated on flipping the table and walking out of the restaurant. I've never even thought about flipping a table before. But today, it crossed my mind three times. The third time, I just walked out because I knew if it crossed my mind again, I would have done it. So, I walked out and sat in the car and just sobbed for a good 30 minutes. Which is weird because I don't cry.

Until today, I never realized how much easier money made my life. I've never felt so stressed. I'm ready for this job to start and me to be back on track with things. 

I recently put all of my trust in God's hands. Sometimes I question what God is doing because I'm terrified. Absolutely scared out of my mind for what my future holds. I know that he has a bigger plan for my life than I have. I'm just not seeing it right now. It's so frustrating.