Fear.

Why do we have fear? Why are we scared of things?

I'm terrified of spiders. Why? I don't know. I have no reason to be afraid of them. But they're terrifying to me. Nothing should have eight eyes and eight legs. But that's not the kind of fear that I am talking about. I mean more like fear of the unknown or failure.

I was absolutely terrified to move to another state. Why? Because I didn't know what was in store for me. But I did it because I wanted out of my comfort zone. My comfort zone had become a place of pure agony and misery. I hated myself. I used to like to be in my own little world and take part in nothing that was not of my world. I used to rely on people's opinions of me to mold me. Moving here changed everything. I no longer cared what people thought of me because I didn't know these people. I came here with a new attitude than I left Georgia with, an attitude that I once had and then lost. I came here with confidence. Where did this confidence come from? I don't know. But I'm very glad that it is back. Not only do I have my confidence back, I rarely ever stutter. That is an awesome feeling. (Anyone who stutters and stumbles through sentences on a daily basis knows how frustrating it can be.) 

Back to fear. I used to be terrified of my future. I used to dwell on the thoughts of failure. Failure will always be one of my biggest fears. But by moving here, I risked just that. But failure was never an option for me. I already had a job lined up when I moved here to prevent it. Why was I afraid of failing? I don't know. I've realized that even if I do fail, things can only go up from there. Failure, to me, would be rock bottom. Now that I think about it, failing wouldn't be so bad because I'd learn what not to do and things would only get better, right?

I've always had really bad anxiety. When my dad was killed when I was 8, I was prescribed anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. At 17 I quit them cold turkey. (My parents were not thrilled. Ha.) I also stopped going to psychologist then. I wanted to know what life would be like without being medicated and numb to everything. I was so used to living that way that I was so scared for what was about to happen in my life. But as a couple months went by, I realized that nothing was actually worth being feared. It was probably my best decisions that I ever made. 

I'm starting to learn that fear is just psychological and spiritual and that nothing is truly worth fearing. People will stress over fear. I've done it. I know how it feels. Fear of the unknown is one of the most common fears there is. But why should I be afraid of something that I can't see? Or something that may or may not happen? Or something that I don't know anything about? It's dumb and it's irrational. Most fears are irrational. But some are legit fears. If you've ever been bitten by a dog, you might be afraid of dogs. That makes sense to me. My fear of spiders will never make sense to me. I've never been bitten by one. They just freak me out. (Dey iz scarey!) 

I might post another one like this later. I might make a second blog just for stuff like this. I don't know yet. But for now, I'm done. So, Peace out!