A Mile In My Shoes.

I am very excited for the direction that my blog is now going. It now makes sense. It now has a purpose. 

"Where The Sidewalk Ends" was a great title, but it no longer made sense for the blog. The idea behind it was "Where the sidewalk ends, your adventure begins." And it was one of my favorite childhood books by Shel Silverstein. He was actually my favorite childhood author. So, I titled my blog after that book. But it no longer made sense for where I wanted the direction of the blog to go. My life had no longer was an adventure. It became a journey. A journey for what? What am I looking for? I don't know. I guess I'll know when I find it. Until then, I have no clue. 

"A Mile In My Shoes" is going to be more about my life and the journey that God is taking me on. Right now, I know no idea what my purpose is in life or where God is taking me. But I know that I'm ready for whatever he throws at me.

I even updated the look of the blog. I love minimalist and simple things. So, I found a graphic and a font and ran with it. I think it turned out pretty well. I'm happy with it. I think. (I'm never truly happy with anything I design. I'll probably change it later. But it works for now.) I hope you all enjoy reading about my journey though life. Let's see how crazy and awesome my life gets!

Back To Basics.

Have you ever felt like technology has become too necessary in today's society? I think about that all the time. Why can't we go outside an admire a tree without it ending up on instagram? I feel like that's not possible anymore. One of my friends posted a blog about simplifying your life. The topic had been on my heart for a while now. So, when she posted it, I kind of laughed because I felt the same way about it. Read it here.

But something really funny happened. I woke up this morning and decided to work toward getting off the internet so much. So, I went through some of my social networks on my laptop as I usually do in the morning. Then after I was done, I was determined to not be online as much today. I kid you not, once I got out of bed and my feet hit the floor, I grabbed my phone out of habit and noticed that the internet was down at our house. I was just on it! It made me laugh really hard.

One of the main reasons that I want to be off my phone more than I am is because I can see that it's becoming a habit of my niece and nephews. "Uncle Chad can I play with your phone?" Normally, I wouldn't mind someone using my phone. But it's become every time they see my phone. I'm not sure if it's damaging to them. But I think it's strange that all they want to do is play on phones all day. However, I'm the same way. So, This is a habit that needs to be broken for my sake and their's. What did I do while the internet was out? I went outside and played in the rain with the kids. Two things that I thoroughly enjoy, kids and rain. I even deleted my tumblr this morning. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love the internet. But I would spend hours of my time just mindlessly scrolling through my tumblr dashboard. That had to go. I am so tired of not doing things that I really want to do because of my addiction to the internet. It really is a problem. I even mindlessly check my phone. Even when I know that no one texts me or someone comments on something on one of my 16,461.6 social sites. I don't know why I do it? Am I checking the time? I don't know. I don't need to know what time it is every two minutes. It's habit, I guess. I hate it. I feel like I'm missing out on seeing awesome things because I'm constantly staring into my phone screen.

I was out with some friends last night. (Oh, I'm starting to meet new people! Woo hoo!) We went out to eat and then we went bowling. I noticed that no one was one their phone while at dinner. So, I tried to stay off of mine. It was hard to because I really didn't know two of the people well. I only knew my sister-in-law's littler sister. (I'm glad she invited me. I had a blast.) But it was hard to stay off of my phone because I was it was a little awkward. Why has being on my phone become my coping mechanism for awkward situations? I don't know. But then we went bowling. It was fun. (Granted, the bowling alley had just opened and it still has A LOT of things to fix. We had to swap lanes. And we had to call for help several times because the system was glitchy.) I really stayed off my phone and just had awesome conversations with people that I really didn't know. However, I did instagram my shoes. (They were velcro! It was funny to me!) But none-the-less, I was very proud that I kinda stayed off my phone. 

I still will never know how I became so dependent on my phone and the internet. Don't get me wrong, the internet and social media are needed and have their place and time. I just don't know how that place and time because everywhere and every waking second of my life. I know that I can get past the addiction. I just have to give it time and be patient with it because I know if I get frustrated, I'll just either cave in or break my phone or laptop. I need both of those things. I just feel like I'm missing out on so much life because of this.  

Frustrations.

I have never been an easily frustrated person. But today, I lost it. Let me explain. 

I just moved here about a week ago. My only friend so far is a frog that hopped away once I put him back down. I don't know anyone here yet. I hate not having friends. I also still don't know my way around well enough to explore. So use GPS, right? Wrong. I'm now on a family plan. So, we have to limit our data usage. Lame. I know. 

I have no dollars to my name at the moment. However, I do have a check waiting to clear the bank. Hopefully it will last me until my first pay check. One problem, I have no idea when my first day of work is. Almost a week of waiting after my interview JCPenny finally called me back to offer me a position in the Men's department. Naturally, I took it because I need a job and I know about men's clothing from working at Men's Wearhouse. The fact that I have a set amount of money to spend until my first paycheck is absolutely terrifying to me. I've never been without a job or money. 

But anyway, back to my story. Today at lunch I was so angry for no apparent reason at all. My brother and sister-in-law had to pay for my lunch. Which I was fine with until she told me how to dip my chips in the cheese dip. So, I sat there frustrated my entire lunch. It wasn't necessarily her that set me off, it was the fact that I had to share my food because I'm broke. I've never been at this level of poor before. I hate it. But it got much worse. My brother and sister-in-law got into an argument over something (who knows with these two). It reminded me of when mom and dad used to fight. It was uncomfortable and awkward. But for some unexplainable reason, I was also angry. It got to the point where I actually debated on flipping the table and walking out of the restaurant. I've never even thought about flipping a table before. But today, it crossed my mind three times. The third time, I just walked out because I knew if it crossed my mind again, I would have done it. So, I walked out and sat in the car and just sobbed for a good 30 minutes. Which is weird because I don't cry.

Until today, I never realized how much easier money made my life. I've never felt so stressed. I'm ready for this job to start and me to be back on track with things. 

I recently put all of my trust in God's hands. Sometimes I question what God is doing because I'm terrified. Absolutely scared out of my mind for what my future holds. I know that he has a bigger plan for my life than I have. I'm just not seeing it right now. It's so frustrating.